Relapse
by Chillyrock6381
Summary: Beca Mitchell is trying her hardest dealing with emotions and bullies, Chloe is by her side every step of the way. TW. PLEASE do not read if you think it may act as a trigger.
1. Chapter 1

My name is Beca Mitchell, and I'm desperately trying not to relapse. Let me explain:

It started in 7th grade. I felt abandoned and alone. I felt I had no one to talk to. My "friends" didn't attempt to contact me, ever. My dad didn't care.

I don't miss the regret. I don't miss the pain. It was very rarely a pain thing for me...

When I first started, it was because I thought I deserved it, the pain. For being such a failure, a loser, and a burden.

It was mostly an anger thing.. Angry toward myself, towards others. Towards my dad.

Anger issues run in both sides of my family.. My mom loses control of her voice. My dad loses control of his arms.

I was embarrassed. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I used to think. "You're so fucking weak."

It soon became a release thing. Relieving piled up stress. Pent up emotions.

I miss the scabs. I miss rubbing them.. I miss the rugged feel of vertically running my fingers along my wrist. It was fascinating.

I want to. So badly. But I promised I would stop.

Sometimes there's nothing I want more.. I don't know what stops me. Maybe the stares.

People think of you differently when they see them. Some seem to think you're less of a person. That isn't true. Others offer their company, but I don't want it. I prefer to be alone.

I miss counting them, surprising myself with the amount. I miss the way they turn into pink scars when you pick at them. I miss the way they'd peel off with the tug of a sleeve.

I miss the blood. Oh god, I miss the blood. The way it would start in small dots, and then soon be trickling down your arm. Does that make me crazy?

I want to. So badly. But I promised I would stop.

I miss cleaning them, then hiding the evidence. I miss my blade. I have a double blade. I used to have a single blade, but I think my father took it whilst I was visiting my mother.

My mom bought me an amethyst ring when I was younger. Amethyst is my birth stone. The ring came in a silver box. I keep my blades in that box.

I miss doing it in different places. When my friends checked my wrist and never found anything. They assumed I quit.. It was my little secret.

I want to. So badly. But I promised I would stop.

For a moment, I stopped, and started smoking. That was in 8th grade. I still smoke, though it gets me into worlds of trouble. I haven't done _it_ in a while, I don't know how long it's been.. I think 6 months? Winter is when depression gets me. Winter is when I usually give in.

I want to. So badly. But I promised I would stop.

I don't know if my parents know. I only see my mom a few times a year, how would she know? But I think my dad does, he would have to be blind to not notice. He hasn't confronted me about it. He hasn't gotten me the help I need, the help I crave. I've done it for almost three years, I'm about to go into 10th grade. How the hell wouldn't he have noticed?

I want to. Oh, I want to cut. So badly. But I promised I would stop. And that person I promised is no other than Chloe Beale.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Trigger warning! Sorry for not updating quickly. Also, if you see any arrows surrounding a word or sentence ( or ), it's supposed to be italics. I must have missed it during the editing process.**

Relapse

Chapter 2

I walked down the hallways of Barden High. It was the first day of 10th grade, or sophomore year. For some reason the first week starts on Thursday. I wasn't excited, I was dreading this day. Not because I don't like education. I get decent grades, never gotten below a C. I get along with teachers. I just _really_ don't like people. With the exception of a few.

Wearing a green plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up and grey skinny jeans, I walked to the commons to get my schedule. I was stopped by some overly excited blonde. _Chill._

"Last name and assigned hall?"She asked, still too excited for this time of morning.

"Uhm Mitchell, and Baker Hall I think." She pointed where to find the item I was searching for.

"Your home hall is where you will go in case of a fire or shooting or anything along those lines." I nodded and quickly left. _How annoying_.

I got my schedule and headed to my first class. _Math. Brilliant._ I scanned the numbers on the classrooms looking for my destination. I still had time to look without being in a rush, but being early isn't a crime. Before I could find the class I got a text message.

_**Chloe: Hey, where are ya?! :) **_I rolled my eyes and smiled to myself. I could practically feel the excitement in the text.

**Beca: Looking for math with a Mr. Marrone?** I sent the text and immediately received a reply.

**Chloe: That's my first hour too! I'll meet you there. ;)**

After about another minute of searching, I finally found the class. _Why the fuck is this school so big?_ I walked in a immediately spotted Chloe. She squealed and ran toward me, engulfing me in a bear hug that rendered me breathless.

"Shit, hey Chlo." The teacher, who I assumed was Mr. Morrone, spoke up.

"No cussing please." I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever, buddy." I openly sassed him. _Like no one in highschool cusses_. Students in the classroom were staring at us, probably because we were still hugging, but I could care less. None of our peers really understand our relationship- the really bubbly, popular redhead and the short, brooding alt girl.

"Becs! I missed you soo much. I was suffering from Beca deprivation. It was awful." The redhead pouted and grabbed my hand, not letting go. While she was talking about how much she missed me (we saw each other literally yesterday), she was dragging me to the back of the room where her stuff was. I sat in the spot next to hers, and class started shortly after. It was boring, and the teacher thought he was some kind if comedian, much like all teachers. _Don't quit your day job, dude. Or do, I could care less._ Class ended and Chloe and I exited the class, hand in hand.

"I'll see you later Becs! Wanna hang after school?" I gave Chloe a nod and let go of her hand.

"See you then, Chlo."

After Math, I had art class with Mr. Weeble. _What the hell is a 'Weeble'?_ Upon entering the class, I spotted a familiar face. Well... back? His back was facing me so I wasn't 100% sure it was him. I walked toward the person, and sure enough it was who I thought it was.

"Hey Jesse." I sat across from him and offered a half-smile. Jesse had a crush on me for the longest time, but that was before I came out. He's gotten over me by now. I think? Sometimes I'm pretty sure I catch him checking me out.

"Becawww! I can't believe it's you!" _Why?_ He held out his hand, and I assumed it was for our handshake. Yeah, I have a lame handshake with Jesse Swanson. We slapped our palms together and pulled backwards until our hands almost lost contact, and then hooked our fingers and shook. Simple, yeah?

"Hey Jesse, how've you been?" I didn't actually care, and I know Jesse knew that, but he still gave me a fully detailed list of all the things he had done over the summer. I wasn't really listening but I heard a few snippets.

Before Jesse could finish, a man who I assumed was my teacher walked in.

"Hello students!" The man raised his hands in the air, arms outstretched. "My name is Mr. Weeble. Now, I know all of you kids are probably exaughsted since you're sleeping schedules are messed up. Hell, I'm tired too. So I was thinking, how about a nap?"

Some of the students laughed while others stayed silent. I was amongst the silent bunch. _This guy is a joke._

"Kidding, I'd get fired if I let you sleep. At least I think so? Anyways, let's get started. Today we're just gonna draw a scene from our summer. Here are the utensils." He pointed to a table with a wide array of tools, pencils, paints, and even crayons. There were different colors and sizes of paper too. "Now get started!"

People got up and got their stuff, and got to work. Most of the students were using bright colors, which I thought was lame. _Are we in kindergarten? _Once everyone seemed to have settled, including Jesse, I walked up to the table. I quickly grabbed a set of Faber Castle pencils and a small piece of paper, and returned to my spot across from Jesse.

When class was almost over, Mr. Weeble told us to finish up and put his stuff back. I looked down at my work and smiled. I do this thing where I just black out and let my hand do the work. It's rewarding most of the time, just like now. I had drawn out a rough sketch of Chloe and I at the ice cream parlor downtown. For a rough outline, it was really good. _I'll give this to her later._ When I was about to tuck it away, I heard someone talking to me.

"Beca, right?" Mr. Weeble was behind me with his arms crossed. I simply nodded without looking at him. "That's really good. I can already tell you're one of the better artists at this school." He pointed to Jesse. "That kid is okay, but not nearly as good as you."

"Hey! Not cool." Jesse pouted and Mr. Weeble and I laughed. The teacher left after that. _Maybe this dude isn't so_ _bad._

I put my work and utensils away and the bell rang. Walking out of class with Jesse, we went our separate ways once we hit the halls. I glanced at my schedule again and sighed. I have PE next.

.

Gathered in the gym, around 40 students are all talking quietly until the teachers walk in. One is a dude and one is a chick. I don't know anyone in my gym class. It's full of athletic kids, which is just fantastic. That means I'll have to try or I'll piss them all off. Not that I care, it's just annoying to hear them mutter things about me.

The female teacher gave all the girls their locker numbers and uniforms and we all head to the locker room. The uniforms are short sleeved. _Fuckkkk_. I change into them and sigh at all the pink and white scars that are now visible. I try to cover them, but it doesn't work. The girl next to me notices them and whispers something to the girl next to her. I give them a glare and turn to leave the locker room. _None of your fucking business, bitch. _When I turn the corner I hear her speak.

"Freak." I turn the corner again to see the girl looking at me with her arms crossed.

"Excuse me?" I raised an eyebrow and gave her another glare.

"You heard me." Other girls are starting to look. I read the name scrawled on her shirt with neat handwriting. _Ryan West._ I'm already pissed by now, so I grab the front of her uniform and slam her into her locker door, effectively closing it.

"No, I don't think I did hear you, Ryan." I lean my face close to hers and she looks fairly uncomfortable. Her eyes dart left and right and she sees all of the other girls have gathered around. That seems to give her confidence.

"How'd you know my name, dyke? Do you have a crush on me or something?" Ryan smiles smugly. Some girls laugh probably thinking that had pissed me off, but I laugh right along with them.

"I read your fucking shirt, dumbass. And do I have a crush on you? No. Will I physically crush you? Yes." With that I brought my left fist back to sate my anger but right when I was about to punch her lights out, someone grabbed my fist and pulled me off of Ryan. _What the fuck!_ I yanked my arm away from the mystery person and turned to see a tall, leggy brunette who was holding her hands up in a surrender.

"Sorry... I.. It's just not worth it. She's just some bitch who wants attention. Let's just go to the gym, okay?" She seemed nice, and she just saved me from a world of trouble. I looked back at Ryan, who was wide-eyed and still looking at me. I smiled at her.

"You should probably apologize or we'll have to finish this another time." I took a step toward her, and she audibly gulped.

"I.. I'm sorry."

"I know you are. Also, thank this girl here for saving your pretty little face, and I'll be on my way." Ryan glared at her 'savior' and whispered a thanks. With that, I left the locker room, the brunette girl behind me.

In actual gym class we played basketball, which is cool. The class was split into small teams. I was on a team with the brunette that saved Ryan, who told me her name was Stacie. She was actually really flirtatious. There were a few times she would wink at me or even slap my ass when I scored a point. _She obviously swings both_ _ways_. I went along with it and threw a few winks and smirks myself. After gym Stacie gave me her number (actually took my phone and texted herself from it) and told me to call her. I just smiled and nodded, even though I wasn't going to call her, like ever. Maybe a few texts now and then.

Ryan had changed her locker's location in the short time we were in the gym. _Punk._

.

The rest of the school day was boring and nothing eventful happened. No other classes with Chloe, Stacie, or Jesse. I didn't have lunch with them either so I just ate by myself. I was walking out of school now, walking toward my car. It was a black Nissan 350z that my grandma had gotten me as a birthday present. I love Gram, but I never get to see her since she and my father have an awful relationship.

When I neared my car I saw that Chloe was leaning against it, books clutched in hand. _She's got books_ _already?_ Chloe would wait at my car every day after school last year, so I guess it'll be a thing this year too. She doesn't even have a car yet. As I got closer I saw that her eyes were closed. I snuck up to her and dropped my backpack on the ground, which made a loud clap on impact.

Chloe's eyes flew open and she nearly dropped her books. Upon seeing what caused the racquet, she calmed.

"Hey Becs!" She said excitedly. I nodded at her.

"Chlo." Once again, she threw her arms around my shoulders and squeezed. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my chin on her shoulder. We stayed like this for a few moments. People probably think we're dating because of these hugs and the way we interact. Not that that bothers me.

We pulled away from the hug and I unlocked the doors. "Where to?" She shrugged and I followed her to the passenger side and opened the door for her. I always open doors for her, no exceptions.

Once I was in the car too, we strapped in and I drove out of the school parking lot.

"I was thinking we could have a sleepover at your place. I don't have homework, and if you do I'll just do it for you." I just nod and make a left turn towards Chloe's street. "Why did you turn here? I said we should go to your house." She says.

"What? Were you planning on sleeping naked?" She laughs, remembering that she needs clothes.

"And what if I was?" I smile and shake my head. _Really Chlo?_ I pull into her driveway and park my car. Her parents aren't home yet, so I go inside. It's not that her parents don't like me, it's just I'm pretty sure they don't. They're nice to me, but I dunno. I can sense that they aren't too find of me.

Chloe unlocks the front door and we immediately head up the stairs into her room. She set down her bag and sat on the bed.

"Ya know, your bag isn't gonna pack itself, Red." When she made no effort of getting up, I walked over to her dresser and opened the third drawer. I shuffled through it and grabbed her favorite t-shirt, which was plain white and about four sizes too big for her. I closed that drawer and opened her top drawer, grabbing her a sports bra and some fresh underwear. Next, I opened the bottom drawer and snatched up a pair of shorts. With the collected items, I walked to her closet and grabbed her Nike drawstring bag. I put all the stuff in it and turned to Chloe, who was on her back in the middle of her bed staring at the ceiling.

"What's wrong?" I crawled on her bed and layed next to her. She was silent for a moment but then she spoke.

"I heard about what happened in your gym class today. Some girl at my lunch table was talking about it." I put my arms behind my head and she snuggled into my side.

"And?" I had honestly forgotten about the whole thing.

"She was saying that you tried punching some Ryan girl because she accidently stepped on your shoe." I scoffed. "I didn't believe it since you can usually control your anger, but I want to hear what happened from you."

"That's what they were saying. What the actual _fuck_." Chloe sat up and looked at me.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have brought it up. I'll get an outfit packed for tomorrow so we can go." I grabbed her hand and pulled her back. She landed beside me.

"No, it's okay Chloe. That's just not what happened, like, at all." I sighed and let go of her arm and allowed her to sit up.

"Oh.. Well what happened?"

"You know how the uniforms are short sleeved, right?" She nodded, knowing where this was going. "Yeah, well that bitch Ryan saw my scars and started whispering some shit to a girl beside her. I ignored it but when I turned the corner she called me a freak. I thought I misheard her, or I wanted to have misheard her, but I didn't. I slammed her into her locker, she called me a dyke, next thing you know I'm about to clean her clock until Stacie stops me." I scratched my stomach and smiled. "You shoulda seen the look on that bitches face. I made her apologize to me and thank Stacie for saving her ass."

"Huh.. I'm sorry Becs. I can murder Ryan for you?" She smiles and I laugh.

"You couldn't hurt a fly, Red." We both know it's true too.

"You underestimate me! I'll have you know that I've hurt, and even killed a good amount of flies!" I roll my eyes, still smiling.

"Whatever Chloe. Now get ready. I wanna go home." She does just that, and when she's done I grab her school bag while she carries her bag of clothes.

Once we get outside she locks the door and we get in the car. Of course, I opened the door for her.

"So you met Stacie?" Chloe's playing with her fingers.

"Yeah, do you know her?" I ask.

"Not personally, but I hear that she'll flirt with anything that moves.." I chuckle at that.

"Yeah, she's a handful." I look at Chloe who is aggressively picking at her nails. I stop her movements with my left hand and intertwine our fingers.

"Do you like her?" She sounds upset.

"No? Chlo I just met her. She gave me her number and all but.. I don't think she's my type." Chloe relaxes.

"Good. I was jealous." I chuckle again.

"Why? We're not even dating." I immediately regret saying that. Chloe untangles our hands and out them in her lap.

"Yeah.. Sorry I have no right to be jealous."

"Don't worry red, I'd be jealous too if someone was flirting with my crush." I waggle my eyebrows and hold out my left hand again, hoping she'll hold it. Sure enough, she does, weaving her fingers into mine.

"I never said anything about having a crush on you.." She's blushing now.

"Mmkay Red." I smirk and back out of her driveway, driving to my house.

.

"You okay Becs?" I snap out of my daze and nod.

"Sorry." I mutter. We're in my room watching Netflix on my laptop. My dad isn't home yet, which isn't a surprise. I'm not really interested in whatever we're watching so I guess I dazed off. Chloe nods and cuddles back into my side.

I stopped paying attention again, this time actually thinking about something._ If Chloe had heard a completely different story about the Ryan incident, that means rumors are circulating. On the first day. Great job Beca. Day one and you already fucked up. Fantastic. You're such an idiot. _As I got deeper into thought, I got angrier at myself. _Why can't you stay out of trouble? You're such a piece of shit!_

Chloe must have noticed a change in my heart rate because she sat up. "You sure you're okay?" I nod without looking at her and she nods too, but I know she doesn't believe me. After a moment she grabs her bag of the foot of the bed. "I'm gonna change in your bathroom." She gets up, but I stop her.

"Don't worry about it, stay in here. I have too pee." She gives me a worried look but I give her a smile and she seems to relax.

I walk into the bathroom and lock the door. I immediately open my one of my cabinets and shuffle through it. _C'mon, where are you_. It takes a few moments of searching, but I finally rest my hand on the small silver box.

I pull the box out and open it, revealing it's treasure. I almost smile. Almost. _I haven't done this in months... _Rolling up my sleeve half-way, I stop to listen to what's going on in my room and hear Chloe laughing. _Good, she's_ _distracted._ I roll my sleeve the rest of the way up. My double blade is pressed against my skin. Before I make a cut, my mind takes over. _You promised Chloe._ I shake my head and sigh. There's no turning back now.

I run the double blade across my skin. Months of stress and anger and frustration are instantly released, and I stare at the two slices in my skin as tiny dots of blood emerge. _Oh, I missed this.._

13 cuts later, my arm has blood running all the way down it. Once my euphoria high goes down, I realize that I must have been in here for a while. _Shit._ I quickly put my razor blade back in it's box, flush the empty toilet, wash my arm a bit, and spray Febreeze as an attempt to make Chloe think I was doing more than just peeing. I roll down my sleeve quickly.

I walk back into my room to find Chloe in her oversized t-shirt and shorts that I picked out. I quickly change into a black hoodie (covering my arm in the process) and basketball shorts, and climb back into bed, and she snuggles into my side for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.

"I missed you Becs, you were gone for like 10 minutes!"

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"It's okay.." She seems suspicious. "Are you okay now?"

"Yeah Chlo. Nothing was ever wrong." I yawned. "But I am tired so we should go to bed." I reached over Chloe and shut off the lamp that's on her side, and then lay down facing away from her.

"Night Becs." She wraps her arm around my waist and pulls me into her, which causes my sleeve to rub harshly along my wrist. I unfortunately let out a hiss which catches Chloe's attention. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! _

Chloe gets up and turns that lamp back on. "Beca. Get up." _Fuck! She never calls me Beca.._ I get up and look at her.

"Something wrong?" _Might as well act like I don't know what's going on._

"Cut the crap Beca. I knew you were in that bathroom too long." She sighs and I scrunch my eyebrows.

"I don't know what you're talking about." _Maybe my acting classes are paying off._

"Beca, roll up your sleeve." _Maybe not_. I shake my head. She's staring at me and I'm staring back. Suddenly, she darts forward and grabs my left bicep. I gulp and she looks back into my eyes. I look away. She slowly and carefully rolls up my sleeve and gasps. Angry red cuts contrast against my pale skin.

"Beca.. Baby, no.." She's crying. I'm not looking at her but I know she is. I bite my lip and hold back tears. When I do look at her, she's counting them. "Why? 28 at once?" Though I'm about to cry, I try to lighten the mood.

"Well technically there are only 14 since I only did 14 slices.." I offer a sad smirk but Chloe does not look amused.

"Beca there are 28 cuts here. You promised me you stopped. You _promised_ that you'd never cut again. I love you, Becs! It _kills _me to see you hurting yourself!" That's when I break down.


	3. Chapter 3

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**A/N: Sorry, super busy. Writers block also.**

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Chapter 3

"I'm sorry Chlo... I know I promised but.. I.." A sob escapes my mouth. Chloe very lightly kisses my wrist and rolls my sleeve back down. Tears are streaming down her face.

I had done it. I had broken the only promise I made to Chloe. Chloe Beale, the girl that makes things all okay.

"Shhhh, Beca it's okay baby." She lays down and wraps me in her arms, gently stroking my hair. After I've calmed down, we don't speak. She doesn't pry and attempt to figure out what's going on in my head. She doesn't even leave. She just keeps stroking my hair until I fall asleep.

.

"Hey Becs.." I'm lightly shaken from my slumber. "It's time to wake up baby." I open my eyes and immediately remember the previous night. I'm still laying in Chloe's arms. She's still stroking my hair. The only thing different from the way we fell asleep is the absence of my hoodie. It was discarded and thrown on the floor, leaving me in only a sports bra. I must've looked confused, because Chloe spoke up.

"You took it off in the middle of the night.." She whispers.

I do that a lot. I get hot in the middle of the night and just throw my clothes on the ground. Good thing I left my bottoms on.

She opens her mouth to speak again, but I stop her.

"Not now. Please?" My voice is groggy. She nods in understanding. I untangle myself from her and stand. I'm not really feeling the whole 'going to school' thing, but I guess I'll go. Take my mind off of things. After a brief stretch, I make my way over to the bathroom, but before I can make it, my dad enters the room.

"Rebeca, it's time to- Oh you're awake. Good." He peers around me and sees Chloe. "Morning Chloe." He says, like she lives here or something. She stays over a lot so it isn't a big deal to him. With that, he shuts my door and leaves.

I'm still frozen in place. I take a few deep breaths and cross my mutilated arms across my chest. That was close. If my idiot for a father ever paid any attention, he would've noticed. The pink and white scars are barely noticeable compared to the angry fresh cuts adorning my wrist.

I jump when I feel someone rest their hand on my shoulder. I turn around, with her hand still in place, and she is giving me a reassuring smile. After giving her a tight-lipped smile, I look down at the floor. I try to focus on my toes, the way they're painted black. _I wonder what she thinks of me... _I uncross my arms and start to twindle my thumbs. _She probably thinks I'm weak._ I knit my eyebrows together in thought. _I am weak. I'm weak, and stupid, and-_ My thoughts are interrupted as Chloe squeezes lightly with her hand stationed on my shoulder and stops my thumbs with her free hand.

"Hey, you okay?" She asks. I don't say anything, just continue staring at my small feet. _I wish she wouldn't ask me that.. Would an okay person voluntarily mutilate themselves?_

"Becs?" She says. I still don't speak. I don't really have anything that I want to say. We both know I'm lying if I say yes. However, if I say no then she might pry. So I stay silent. Not a word. I just continue staring at my feet, following the veins in them up to my toes. I stare at the chipped black paint on my toenails like it's the most interesting thing I've ever seen. I give my toes a slight wiggle.

A moment passes and it gets awkward. Chloe's retracted her hand from its place on my shoulder. It was now hanging loosely at her side.

"Beca, please. Please say something!" What is there to say?

"Something." I murmur, failing in an attempt to lighten the mood. She isn't amused.

"No, Beca. You aren't getting out of this one." I can feel her stare. Another moment passes. "Just tell me why?" Her voice cracks at the end of her sentence, and I feel bad. Bad for being a burden. Bad for putting her through this. Bad for being me. I let out a heavy sigh.

"Maybe later..." I mutter, and go into the bathroom. What I didn't expect was Chloe following me. In the bathroom, I sit on the edge of the tub and rest my head in my hands. "Chlo, I need to shower."

"Go ahead." She says. Sighing, I strip my clothes. She's seen it all before I suppose. Maybe not all at once, but it's whatever.

I turn on the shower and step in, closing the see-through curtain and letting the warmth of the spray envelope me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Chloe take out my straightener and plug it in. I assume it's for herself, since I don't ever really straighten my hair. I start to wash off and get lost in my thoughts again.

After getting cleaned, I step out and find clothes layed out for me but no sign of Chloe. _Huh. Guess she_ _left..._ I look at my cabinet which holds my razor. _Good_. I quickly put on the underwear and bra laid out for me and open said cabinet. Soon, I stare down at the fleshy canvas of my arm and press the razor down. Before a slice can be made, the door swings open.

"Shit!" I snap my head to the doorway to see Chloe, who's wearing a concerned look on her face. She rushes over to me and takes my razor before I can move.

"I thought you were gone.." I say. "I thought you left." Staring at my feet again.

"No Beca. I didn't leave, and i'm not going to any time soon." Her tone is sympathetic but her body language isn't. Her hands are set firmly at her hips with her feet shoulder width apart. A moment passes and I stand, moving into my room. Chloe follows. Remembering that i'm half naked, I throw on a t-shirt.

"I'm not going to school. Sorry for not wearing what you put out for me." I crawl into bed and curl into a ball, throwing the covers over my head. Since school isn't on the agenda, I plan on crying all day. Maybe all week.

I hear a small sigh and some shuffling. Next, I feel a dip in my bed.

"Becs... I understand that you don't want to go to school. I know I said that I'd never leave, but I have to go." She peels the blanket from atop my head and gingerly kisses my forehead. "I love you Becs... Seeing you like this pains me. I'll be over here right after school, I promise." In seconds, I hear my door click shut.

.

I haven't really done anything today. Made a few mixes. Ate some pizza rolls. It's 3'oclock, which means Chloe will be here any minute now. And we'll probably discuss my recent pastimes. And inevitably, tears will fall. _Fantastic_.

By 3:09 I hear my doorbell ring. Why Chlo doesn't just walk in is beyond me, but I reluctantly get up to answer it. Slowly treading down the steps, I near the front door. Taking a deep breath, I open it.

"Hey Chlo." I offer a sad smirk.

"Hey... Uh, can I come in?" _Why would she ask that, she practically lives here?_

"Yeah of course? Is something wrong?" She gives me a look as she enters the house. "I mean, is something else wrong?" I say, referring to last night. Chloe carelessly tosses her bag on the floor somewhere in the main hallway.

"Becs... Something was happening at school today..." She looks worried. Or is it scared. I let out a huff as I plop down onto the carpeted steps.

"Did someone hurt you?" I clench my fists in anger, because nobody fucking hurts Chloe and gets away with it. "I'll fucking kill anyone who so much as looks at you wrong." My heart rate is rising and I can feel my face getting hot. Next thing I know, Chloe is at my side with her hands intertwined with mine.

"Beca, no. Nobody hurt me." She got up from beside me and instead kneeled on the step in front of me, hands still in mine. "It was about you." I feel my anger dissipate and my previously hot face is draining of blood, leaving me pale.

"Oh." Is all I say. _More rumors I suppose._ Chloe continues.

"You know that Ryan girl that you threatened? You know how she was spreading lies?" I nod, assuming she's probably just made up another dumb lie. Color returns to my face and I roll my eyes.

"I'm over it. It's in the past." I'm not really over it, but I don't want to think about it as of right now.

"No Becs, listen to this. She... Uh, Ryan was beaten.. Pretty badly actually. Broken nose and ribs. Bruises everywhere." _Good_.

"Ok, and? What does that have to do with me?" I ask. What she says next enrages me.

"She's telling everyone it was you.. At lunch she told the whole table that after school you followed her home and forced yourself upon her." She pauses and runs a comforting hand down my arm, then starts lightly rubbing my forearm. "She claims that she rejected your move so acting in anger, you beat her." I sigh and slouch against the back of the stair that i'm occupying.

"Okay, that's not too bad I guess." Is is bad, but whatever. I suspect that there's more to the story when Chloe bites her lip and looks down at my exposed forearm.

"That isn't all."

"Darn." I deadpan.

"Apparently she's gathering a group of people to "return the favor"."

"Group of people? What group of people?" _I can take a bunch a prissy highschool girls._

"The football team."

**A/N: Please review. Criticism very welcome.**


	4. Chapter 4

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Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews guys.**

I let out a laugh and roll my eyes.

"Chlo, there's no way the whole football team is gonna beat me up." I stand up and hold out my arm to help Chloe up. She gently takes my hand as if she'll break my arm if she grips too hard. Quickly, I yank her to her feet and offer a smirk at her surprised expression.

"I dunno Becs... I don't want you to get hurt any more than you already are." Ignoring her look of pity, I turn around to travel up to my room. She follows me up the carpeted steps and down the hallway into my room, and shuts the door behind us.

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks Chlo, but as soon as the truth comes out everything will be good." Even though I'm pissed off and a bit scared, I don't think anyone will believe Ryan's story.

"Speaking of everything being 'good', as you say, tell me what been going on with you." Chloe plops onto my bed and pats the empty space next to her. Sighing, I instinctively cross my arms. Instead of sitting next to her I prop a few pillows against my headboard and lean on them.

"...Do we have to talk about it?" I ask. Honestly I wish Chloe could forget about it.

"Yes Becs." She crawls to where I'm positioned and gestures toward my crossed arms. "Open." She says. Of course I don't object, and she is now sitting in between my legs with her head on my chest.

"Alright Red, if you insist. What'd you wanna know?" I ask. Instead of verbally answering, she points at my arm. "...Right." I don't really know how to start to be honest. I spend around a half a minute thinking of how to explain this to her.

"I just need to know why you broke your promise." She whispers, breaking my thoughts. I run my right hand through her red locks, still pondering my response.

"I don't know." I finally say, answering honestly. "I'm just... tired, ya know? This-" I point at my arm. "This is just stress relief." Chloe runs her thumb lightly across the fresh ones.

"Stress relief? Becs you go to the spa if you want to relieve stress, not this." I scoff. I've never been to the spa in my life.

"No you go to the spa to relieve stress. That isn't me. I'm not like you." Realizing my harsh tone, I take it down a notch. "...I'm sorry Chlo."

"It's okay.." She says. I can here the sincerity in her voice, but I know it isn't okay.

"No it's not." I take my hand from her scalp and let it drop into the comforter. "See, this is another reason why I cut." Chloe cringes at the word. I find myself wishing I would've used different wording. "I'm such a bitch to everyone. I don't deserve friends, and I definitely don't deserve you."

I let out a shaky breath and close my eyes. I feel Chloe move in my lap and reopen my eyes warily. Suddenly she's facing me, her calves resting on my thighs and feet resting against the headboard. Her bright blue eyes are, once again, looking straight into my navy ones.

_Well this is awkward_...

I feel heat rising in my cheeks and look away.

_Is she smirking? ..Does she know what_ _she does to me?!_

When I look back at my red headed friend, I take notice that she is not in fact smirking, and she actually looks vaguely pissed off.

_So my mind is playing tricks on me now._ Two hands rest on each side of my face.

"Beca, don't you _ever_ say that. You are the sweetest girl I know." I give her a look. "Well, at times you can be a little rough around the edges." I nod.

"Thanks Chlo, that means a lo-"

"I'm not done. You're the swee-" She corrects herself. "One of the sweetest people I know on this Earth, and you deserve the world. I can't believe you think you don't deserve me, if anything, I don't deserve you! I love you so much Beca, words can't describe." Once again, I nod. Even though she doesn't love me the way I'd like her to one day, I'll take any love I can get.

_Who are you kidding? She'll never love you. You know that, so stop kidding yourself and move on. She's you best friend._

Sighing, I pull Chloe into me and wrap my arms around her. She returns the hug with some force, as if she's trying to force her affection into me.

"I love you too, Red. So much."

.

I'm laying on my back in bed staring at the ceiling of my room, when legs untangle from mine and Chloe climbs out of my bed. Footsteps echo through my room as she enters the bathroom, not even closing the door.

Chloe stayed with me the whole weekend. All we really did was lounge around and watch movies. Cuddling was involved, which I definitely "hate". That's what I tell her anyways. I think she stayed with me to monitor rather than actually spend time with me. I'm not complaining though.

Now it's Monday, and I have to go to school. School, a place that is not pleasant for me. School, where I'm supposedly going to be beaten today. By the football team. Yippee.

I hear the toilet flush and the running of the sink. I roll into the middle of the bed on my stomach and close my eyes, debating whether or not I should even go to school. I could just drop out and move to a remote island, never hearing from anyone ever again. But that's cowardly, and I may be a lot of things, but cowardly isn't one. Plus I'd miss Chloe.

The bed dips and suddenly I weigh much more.

"Hey Becs." Chloe says. She's currently spread eagle on my back, and I honestly can't breathe. I try to politely ask her to get the hell off before I die, but my request is muffled to the point where even I can't understand it. Trying another tactic, I kick my legs like a child until she rolls off of me, giggling. I pick up my face and can't help but laugh.

"Ok Beale, if I would've known you were planning to murder me I wouldn't have let you stay with me this whole weekend." I joke. Chloe snuggles into me. When I say snuggle, I mean she literally rubbed her face into my neck. I'm glad she can't see my face because my infamous blush appears again.

"Us murderers don't usually tell the victim that we're planning to kill them. I mean, that's a known fact isn't it?" Our conversation about murderers and murdurees lasts a good five minutes. After a good laugh, I decide it's time to get ready for school. Reluctantly, I escape Chloe's cuddling and swing my feet over the edge of the bed.

"What're you doing?" Chloe asks. I do a mental check to make sure that it's actually Monday.

"Don't we have school?" I say, swinging my legs back on the bed.

"Do you want to go?" She asks.

"No."

"Me either."

"..."

"C'mon let's stay here. Pleaseee?" Chloe sports a pout with puppy dog eyes, but I resist the urge to give into her wishes.

"Neh. As much as I'd love to waste away in my bedroom, school is 'important'." I say, not even realizing how bad that sounded. I quickly cover it up. "I don't mean waste away as in like.. die. I meant waste time, ya know?"

_Ughhh, I'm such an idiot._

"Yeah. Okay." She says.

With that, we both get ready for school. Conversations continue, and when we're both dressed 'n' stuff we eat some eggs and bacon that I quickly whipped up and head out the door.

Upon exiting the house, I immediately notice that something is wrong with my car. The usual glint on the side has like a line or something in it.

_Now what..._

I slowly walk towards it and find that's someone's etched into my car. Probably with keys. My car got keyed.

"What the fuck!" A long line runs along both sides of the car, and on the rear bumper "dyke" is scratched into the dark paint. "I swear to fucking god." I seathe.

Chloe walks toward the vehicle, assessing the damage. "Oh no..."

"This is gonna cost so much fucking money..." I run my fingers through my wavy hair, and almost have to stop myself from pulling it out of my scalp. "Forget it." I mutter. I grasp Chloe's hand and lead her to the passenger side, quickly unlocking the door with my keys and opening it to let Chloe in. Though I'm honestly in the mood to beat the shit out of whomever did this, I give her a smile. "After you."

"Thanks Becs." She says. Before getting in, she plants a kiss on the side of my mouth. I freeze for a split second before recovering and making my way over I the drivers side.

_That was dangerously close to being on my lips.._

I get in the car, buckle my seatbelt, and fumble around with the keys.

_Just stop, she'll never want you like that. Ever._

I start the engine and pull out of the driveway. Just as we're nearing the end of the street, Chloe takes my right hand and intertwines our fingers.

"It'll be okay Becs, I promise." She kisses my hand. Holding hands is normal for us, but this is different.

_This is two 'kisses' in less than two minutes... Maybe she does like me?_

She begins rubbing her thumb against my fingers, which is honestly awkward since our fingers are intertwined.

_This is going to be a long day..._

A/N: Hey sorry for the short chapter lol.


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